My Journey to Motherhood

August 5, 2008

Decisions Decisions

Filed under: Feeling Negative — Serendipity @ 4:19 pm

I think I’ve come to the time in this journey where I have a big decision to make. The decision being whether I want to carry on trying for a baby, or whether we just knock it on the head now, and I don’t know which way to go.

 

It’s like I’ve said before, I hate not being in control, and there’s nothing I can do to make things happen and make sure I get pregnant. Deep down I really think that if it hasn’t happened this month, I’m giving up. Hubby isn’t happy, of course. He still wants his own family, but he doesn’t have to deal with things like I do. I’m the one that has to go through horrible periods whilst I’m not on the pill. I’m the one that’s doubled over in pain and has really heavy bleeding. I’m the one that’s reminded of the failure each time I go to the loo. All he has to do is say “oh that’s a shame, maybe next month.” And that isn’t fair. Plus his little bout of “performance anxiety” on Saturday night didn’t help very much.

 

We’ll see what the TWW brings, then it’s decision time.

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