My Journey to Motherhood

August 14, 2008

Uninvited Guest

Filed under: Feeling Negative,Rants — Serendipity @ 11:08 am

AF came to visit. Who bloody invited her anyway? Coz it sure as hell wasn’t me.

GOD.

I hate it SO much. I feel so inadequate. I can’t even begin to describe how upset I am. I was crying last night, I was crying this morning. For lots of reasons. For the baby I lost in June, for the baby I didn’t make this month, for the pain and suffering I have to go through for the next 4/5 days, for not knowing how much longer I can keep putting myself through this.

I threw out my folic acid and pre pregnancy vitamins and the zinc last night. It seems pointless taking them. They don’t bloody do anything anyway. The thermometer has gone away in a drawer. I had a great big caramel macchiato from Starbucks this morning and there is a bottle of Rose wine in the fridge that I will be drinking this weekend while hubby is away at V Festival. Let’s face it, my months of depriving myself of alcohol and caffeine hasn’t really come to any good has it?!

Not a good day today. Looking forward to a weekend on my own with the dog, wallowing in self misery.

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1 Comment »

  1. Sure hope you’re feeling better. I had to come check you out as i LOVE your screen name (my FAVORITE, alltime movie).
    Its so hard this infetility, and each month even though we know the bit*h Aunt Flo will propbably come, she makes us feel even worse. Thinking of u my friend….

    Comment by Wishing4One — August 18, 2008 @ 3:58 am | Reply


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