My Journey to Motherhood

September 9, 2008

Black and White

Filed under: Feeling Negative,Rants — Serendipity @ 1:13 pm

I’m on my second week of the dreaded 2WW. I’m usually OK on the first week, but on the second week I am analysing every little thing.

 

At the moment, I have sore breasts, I feel really bloated, and I’m not “going” quite as regularly. All of these are symptoms, but it’s probably my over active imagination getting the better of me again.

 

I’ve started using Fertility Friend to chart my temperatures. It’s easy to use and you can choose from a list of drop downs any other symptoms.

 

I really do think that if it doesn’t happen this month then that’s it for us trying for a baby. I want my life back. Do you realise that hubby and I have never had a holiday on our own unless you count various weekends away. When we got married, we got marred in the Dominican Republic, so our families were with us. Last year we went to Spain with a friend, and this year, although we flew out to Canada on our own, we were spending time with hubby’s family. So if I do get pregnant, we’ll never have that holiday on our own. Plus, I am due to have a knee operation done, so if I’m pregnant, they won’t operate on me. Plus, I want a new job, but if I’m pregnant, no one will employ me.

 

Hubby wants to keep trying. Part of me does, but part of me just wants to take control again and go back on the pill. In my head we are either trying, or we’re not. If we are, then I’m still going to use the FM and chart temperatures and that. If we’re not, I’m going back on the pill. There is no grey area for me; it’s all black and white. I just need to decide which way to turn.

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